This Year's Just Different
by Harleyzgirl
Summary: Penelope is struggling with a fast approaching anniversary.


AN: This story is dedicated to those of us who have lost significant loved ones and come to this point in our lives. I have no idea why, but from the time this idea came to me I knew the story was to be for to my friend KricketWilliams. Hon, this one is for you. Hope you don't mind that I'm sharing it. Love ya. Harlie

AN: This was self-betaed, so any and all mistakes are mine to claim.

Disclaimer: I have no claim to Criminal Minds. No profit is being made by this story. It's solely for entertainment and catharsis.

This Year's Just Different

While nearly everyone around her was checking out the latest fashions for Fall; gearing up for the cool weather; and discussing plans to go apple picking with the kids or hiking to enjoy the explosion of Autumn colours, Penelope grew more melancholy by the day.

Each day that passed brought her ever closer to a goal she'd secretly hoped to never reach. Eighteen years ago when her parents were killed she'd reacted like many who'd lost significant loved ones and shut down. With each year that went by since then she learned to deal with their loss a bit better. But last year, it had finally hit her; seventeen years had come and gone. When the next anniversary came she'd cross a threshold she'd never again achieve; more of her life without her parents than with. Dear God just thinking about it made her stomach ache.

Penelope continued to function, she had no choice. Unlike when she was eighteen and had dropped out of Caltech® in the wake of her parents' death. Now she had too much at stake to dump everything and leap off the grid into the unnamed oblivion. The very thought of missing out on milestones in Jack's and Henry's lives was unacceptable. Considering missing out on the chance to watch Reid court Emily all the way to the alter or watching the continual melting of the ice around Strauss' heart since she'd been spending time with Rossi were simply not an option. And, then, of course, there was Derek.

Something was shifting between them again. True, it wasn't the first time there'd been a significant change in their friendship, but this time, it seemed destined for permanency. She'd never know if she bailed out and there was no way she wasn't sticking around to see this through after all these years.

All that being said, once her feet hit the ground in a mere few minutes, she'd officially be into a single digits countdown. Just the thought made her want to turn off her cellphone, pull the covers over her head and hide for the rest of her days. Why did grief have to hurt so much?

The beeping of her alarm clock ended up doing harmony with her cellphone as it began to ring. Pulling it out from under her pillow she noted the caller was Derek before sliding the bar across to answer.

"Morning, Hot Stuff."

"Morning, Baby Girl. Get outta bed and come open the door for me please."

"I'm comfy. Where's your key?"

"Pen!"

"Derek!"

"Woman, do you want your breakfast hot or all over the landing?"

Penelope rolled her eyes despite knowing he couldn't see her. "Fine. I'm coming, but-"

Derek chuckled. "Oh, I know, you're not happy. I'll fix that."

"Hmmph!" Penelope disconnected the call, switched off her now blearing alarm, put on her glasses, then shuffled out of bed, slamming her feet into her frog slippers before navigating the short distance from her room to her apartment door.

She took a quick peek through the peephole first to see if she could catch a brief glimpse of Derek to start salving her wounded spirit before she let him in. The area immediately within view of her doorway was empty. Regardless, she threw the lock and pulled the chain before yanking open the door. The sight that awaited her both surprised her and brought a fresh desire to cry to her eyes.

Luggage, a basket of what appeared to be fresh hot mixed fruit muffins, if her nose was on target, and a huge stuffed elephant with an envelope hanging from its trunk were piled in front of her door. Penelope bent down and retrieved the elephant just as Derek topped the stairs carrying what looked to be a covered skillet with potholders on his hands.

Holding the door with one frog covered foot, Penelope tucked the elephant, she'd already named Phantasia in her head, underneath one arm and was working on pulling the note out of the envelope. Derek kept distracting her as he moved back and forth into the apartment with the skillet, from which heavenly smells escaped, then the basket, another whiff made her mouth water, and finally, the luggage by dropping a kiss on the top of her head as he went by. At last, the piece of paper came free and she read:

Baby Girl,

I know you're struggling and I understand why. I've requested that Hotch ground me for the next few weeks and both he and Strauss have approved it. Whatever you need, I'm here.

I took the liberty of booking time off for us both, as well as tickets to California. We leave next Wednesday so we can be near your parents for the anniversary.

I understand, P. This year's just different.

Love,

D.

Before the first sob escaped her, Derek was there to wrap her in his arms. He held her while she cried and when she was too weak to stand any longer; he lifted her into his arms with ease and carried her back to her bed. When he laid her down amongst the bedding she protested. "No, I can't. We have work," she mumbled.

"Take a few minutes," Derek said, and gave her a gentle smile before kissing her forehead through her mess of hair. Dear God she likely had the worse bedhead, she thought. "I'll drive this morning so you'll even have time to eat the breakfast I made."

That caught her attention. Swiping at the tears dripping off her chin, she whispered, "You cooked all that? Did you sleep?"

He raised an eyebrow, as he tended to do when questioned about any of his skills. "Yes, Miss smarty-pants, I slept and I made you a gourmet breakfast. Now rest a bit, P. I got you."

Penelope held his hand that was closest to her and squeezed it. "You're too good to me, D. But, I love you all the more for it."

"I love you, too. P. It's why I do all this. You know that, right?"

"I do know and I can't thank you enough."

Derek bent down as he lifted their entwined hands to kiss hers. "No need. I've been where you are. My mom came and stayed in my dorm for nearly two weeks so she could be there for me. I did the same for her with Sarah and Desiree a few years later. It's a huge thing."

"So I'm realizing," Penelope said, as she buried her face into Phantasia's soft body. She heard Derek moving away and called out to him, "D?"

"Yeah, Baby Girl?"

"Stay?"

"Whatever you need." Derek had his shoes off and was in the bed with her in mere moments. "Rest now, baby."

"We'll be late."

"Hotch understands."

"You think of everything," Penelope said, as she snuggled into Derek's body behind her.

"Part of my job description," Derek said, drawing her body closer to his own even more.

"Oh yeah?"

"Yeah. Yeah, it is." Derek repeated, as he tightened his hold on her.

Penelope rolled over, elephant and all within his embrace to face him. Derek pulled off her tear-speckled spectacles and bent backward to place them on the opposite bedside table before he reached for her face to wipe away her tears with his thumbs. The tenderness of his actions brought yet more tears, but it also brought with it a final decision for her.

"D, what exactly is your job title?" She held his hands within her own against her face. His hands smelt like the meal he'd made, as well as like his familiar scent. Penelope found the combination all the more comforting.

"P, now's not the time." Derek's eyes darkened from brown to nearly onyx and just that was enough to strengthen her resolve.

"Yes, D, it is. I want to know."

"I'll be who you need me to be for as long as you need me."

Penelope pulled back just enough so she could continue to see him clearly, but not so close she'd miss any changes in his reaction when she replied, "Oh bullshit, Morgs. You don't do submissive wishy-washy in any situation. Least of all with me."

Derek was silent for several moments as he held Penelope and watched her with an intensity that made her nervous, yet, she refused to look away and risk missing something major. She wasn't disappointed when at last Derek closed the distance between them and kissed her.

The kiss was a gentle meeting of lips, a touching testament to their love for each other and most of all it was the crossing of another threshold. One she'd known was coming for them. Like the anniversary of her parents' death, Derek and Penelope would now begin a new phase. In as much as she was overjoyed that Derek had acknowledged the final shift in their relationship, it also drove home for Penelope yet another event her folks would never experience with her. Half her life: eighteen years of memories with more to come they'd never be a part of.

Burrowing into Derek as they eased out of their kiss, she let him love her, comfort her, and hold her together as the days, hours, minutes, and finally seconds ticked by and she passed over the inevitable timeline.

Eighteen years and one minute without her parents, but she had those who had become her adopted family and she had Derek, who more than most understood: this year was just different.

The End


End file.
